Chapter 2

When I opened my eyes, I could see that it was very late at night. I knew this because even though the house has no windows, light easily enters through the crack in the door and since there was no trace of her, I assumed that we spent more than three or four hours asleep. Filomeno was snoring loudly and his breath hit my right breast, awakening my excitement again. The discomfort in my groin made me aware that his penis was still inside my vagina and that my legs continued to apply pressure to make that possible. Suddenly I realized something that I had overlooked when I decided to give myself to Filomeno, and that is that I have never taken contraceptives, and we made love without using a condom. I also remembered that he finished inside me and also his semen did not come out of me because I did not let him withdraw, and if we add to that the fact that this liquid has been accumulated for hours in my uterus and with my fertile days in all their splendor, it is very likely that I could get pregnant. At one point I was terrified by the idea of getting pregnant so young, but I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt Filomeno's body settle better on my body, then place his head on my shoulder.

His scent wasn't the best, but I was pleased to find mine mixed with his. Anyone would think I was crazy for thinking that was erotic, but for me it was proof that the man I had chosen as a lover now carried my scent on his skin. My excitement increased by leaps and bounds as I perceived his warm body spread over mine. My vagina throbbed and began to squeeze Filomeno's half-thin penis, getting it as hard as a few hours ago in minutes. He was still asleep, but that didn't stop him from moving clumsily inside me. The poor guy gasped with each thrust and made it harder when I returned the squeezes with my vaginal walls. The pain hadn't diminished at all, however, I realized that hearing him moan was a good distraction from that pain, to give way to desire. Filomeno was unconscious for a short time and again ejaculated large amounts of semen inside my uterus. When I felt the liquid, I was scared again about the fact that I was pregnant, but Filomeno said something that calmed my fear and the words that came out of his mouth completely disarmed me.

–I love you so much, Mariana!

Hearing him say that gave me the courage to face whatever it takes, and until a few months ago I wasn't aware that our friendship had turned into love on Filomeno's part. I couldn't say that I loved him, but meeting so many inconsiderate and treacherous men (like my father who left my mother for an unscrupulous chick, and Erik, who only slept with women to look like a hero in front of his friends), made me understand that I shouldn't give my heart to the one I like the most, but to the one who loves me the most, and Filomeno loved me. That's why I thought that if one day I was going to have a child, I preferred it to be with a man who deserved the title of father and Filomeno seemed to fulfill that qualification, so I stopped worrying about the very possible pregnancy and instead I imprisoned myself more because I thought that if fate so determined, I would give him the gift that I know he wanted since his first marriage with an ambitious woman who left him for a wealthy man.

With that thought in my mind, I fell back asleep and by the time I woke up the darkness was greater.

A sharp pain brought me back to consciousness and I realized that Filomeno was trying to pull his penis out of me, but without waking me up. The poor guy didn't know that a simple movement caused intense pain, but I didn't want him to feel bad, so I stopped his escape by squeezing his buttocks with my hands.

–What does Don Filomeno want? –I said, smiling as best I could. –Do you want to abandon your wife?

–I would be tied to you for life –he said mischievously, although he then looked at me embarrassedly –but I really want to pee, and I really need to run to the bathroom.

I wasn't able to stop him because of his urgency, but the moment his member came out of me, several threads of blood also ran down and stained his sheets. My pain was great, but when I saw his face of regret I wanted to console him, however, he moved away and without taking his gaze off his penis he began to curse himself. The image looked too terrible for what it really was. Yes, I bled a lot, I don't deny it, but during my periods I usually bleed more, (of course! The pain was only limited to my ovaries, and now my whole vagina hurt, but it wasn't something that was going to kill me).

Filomeno's curses grew louder and despite my pain, I managed to crawl onto the bed to hug him. He clung to my body like a child and I caressed him to calm him down. Filomeno kept asking me for forgiveness and swearing that he would never touch me again.

Annoyed by that statement, I pushed him away from my body and forced him to look.

–That's enough Filomeno!... It’s completely normal to bleed the first time, but that doesn't mean I'm dying.

–But this is more than just bleeding. It's too much for you and I guess it must hurt you a lot too because I have a very big penis. That's why my first wife left me, she couldn't stand being with me and I only touched her on our wedding night and then she didn't want me to lay a finger on her anymore.

–Don’t talk to me about that stupid woman! –I don’t think it was jealousy that made me say that, but I didn’t linger on the discomfort of having heard him name another woman –she didn’t deserve you, that’s why life took her away from you and made us meet –I approached him again and hugged him without stopping to look at him –I had you inside me for hours and I didn’t complain even once, doesn’t that tell you anything?

–It tells me you are very brave to endure the pain –he said foolishly.

–Silly! –I answered in an amused tone –it's obvious that it hurt me, I was a virgin, and she wasn't. This pain is normal, and it will lessen as I get used to your size and we will achieve that by making love often.

–How many times do you want us to make love?

–MM! I don’t know… maybe two or three times a day – I answered laughing.

–Only three times a day –he said with the same humor.

–As many times as, you want –I answered before losing ourselves in a delicious kiss, which he ended because it seemed he remembered he wanted to go to the bathroom.

Once I was alone, I threw myself on the bed and pressed my hands to my pubis. It really hurt like hell. His penis is so thick that it was an achievement to get it into my little vagina and I don't think I'll be able to get used to it, even if we make love all day. A few tears came out of my eyes as I tried to spread my legs and the stings were horrible and when I felt my hand getting wet, I raised it to look at it and what I saw scared me. My hand had blood mixed with a hard, whitish substance (I assumed, Filomeno's semen). I knew that if he saw me in this state, he would be opposed to touching me again, so I got up, enduring the pain and ran to get a towel to clean myself, but not finding anything, I took one of his shirts and wet it to remove the stains. From the outside it looked like I had been freed from it, but as I stood up, a trickle of blood ran down my thighs. That seemed strange to me because there was no reason to continue bleeding, but Filomeno's footsteps approaching the bathroom door made me run to the bed and I put a piece of his shirt that I ripped off in my vagina to stop the bleeding.

Filomeno saw me lying down in a very sexy pose and smiled in a vain way. He could say what he wanted, but having deflowered a young woman who was more than thirty years his junior, made him proud. I should feel offended by it, but I had really enjoyed what we did, and I extended my hand for him to return to the bed with me.

Filomeno didn't waste any time and jumped up to me to hug me and kiss me. I responded to his caresses and almost allowed him to penetrate me again, but if I let him open my legs, he would notice the bloody piece of cloth I had stuck in them, so I moved away a little.

–I'm hungry –was the first thing I thought of saying to distract him.

–Then I'm going to prepare a delicious meal for my beautiful wife –he said and stood up.

I watched him from the bed. Filomeno didn't put on any clothes while he was cooking and I discovered that watching the swing of his big penis when he walked sent waves of excitement to my vagina. The traitor didn't care about the pain that piece of meat caused her. I slowly stood up and, taking advantage of the fact that he was concentrating on frying a steak, I pulled the cloth from my vagina and discovered with pleasure that the bleeding had stopped. Since I didn't want him to notice that I had been bleeding, I hid it in my sweater and then went over to hug him.

–Leave that for tomorrow, today I just want you to continue loving my body.

Filomeno turned around and his hugs tightened around me even more.

–You better rest. You're hurt, and if I try to penetrate you again, I'll make you bleed again.

–I don't care... I want you and I want you to make love to me until dawn –he wanted to deny it, but I felt his rock-hard penis and I took it in my hands to squeeze it against my pubis –don't deny your desires, this hardness shows me that you also want to be inside me.

–Mariana –he moaned at my caresses on his penis –God forgive me, but it's true. I think of nothing else but immersing myself inside you and losing myself in your caresses.

–Then stop resisting and take what you want.

His urgent kiss was all his answer. We returned to bed as quickly as we could and fell into it. Without wasting any time, Filomeno positioned himself between my legs and with my help managed to insert his fat penis into my vagina. The pain was a thousand times more horrible than the first time, but I never complained and I concentrated all my senses only on his caresses and kisses until I could move with the same desperation as him.

We made love almost all night. I think it was even four times, because Filomeno was insatiable. I want to think that his years of celibacy and his desire for me were a good aphrodisiac to harden his penis with just a few minutes of rest. By the third time, my vagina was screaming for him to stop but seeing his happy face when he thrust into me either gently or hard was enough reward to endure another round of wild sex. By the fourth time, the gentleness was forgotten and he roughly hit my aching vagina. Tears came out of my eyes, but he was more focused on his relief and didn't notice my crying. He snorted like an animal and his sweating was so excessive that it wet my entire body. His hips thrust mercilessly to embed his penis deep inside my vagina. My uterus had been full for a long time with the semen that he had spilled the three previous times and when he ejaculated the fourth time, not even his penis could contain the flow of the liquid that was accompanied by a little blood.

Tired, he let his whole body fall on mine (I hugged him and caressed his head and back). Even though I was now more hurt than before, my vagina held his penis inside her. Having my legs open was already difficult, but his penis did not come free even when I loosened my grip, so like the first time, we fell asleep joined by our sexes, but this time we did it until the next day.

A touch on my arm woke me up and what I saw moved me, because Filomeno had a tray with waffles and orange juice accompanied by a small vase with a white rose. Without saying anything, I took the flower and kissed him in gratitude. We both ate while remembering our first meeting three years ago, (he confessed to me that at that time he did not see me as a woman, but as a very curious teenager and that his thoughts changed the day I turned eighteen and I ran to hug him).

–That was the first time I was aware of your beautiful, well-developed breasts, and it was no wonder. You were wearing a semi-transparent blouse, and I could see your erect nipples struggling against the fabric. That image haunted me ever since and every night I dreamed that you would come to me, and I would make you my wife.

–Well, your dream came true – I told him with humor.

–But I almost didn't make it. When you told me about your boyfriend, I wanted to scream at you to leave him, but what right did I have to ask you to do that, if I'm nothing but an ugly old man?

–My sweet Filomeno –I said, holding his hand in mine –I'm so sorry I caused you that pain, but life made me pay for it when I found out he only wanted to take me to bed.

–I'm not so different from that boy... I also wanted you in my bed and if it weren't for your disappointment, you wouldn't be here with me, but with him.

–It’s not true –I answered, bringing our faces closer– you didn’t look for me, I came to you because I wanted to. It was I who offered you my body and I didn’t do it out of disappointment, but because my mother told me that my first time should be given to a man I admired –he wanted to refute, but I continued– I also dreamed about us making love. I wanted to deny my desires, but I could never get those images out of my mind. Yesterday I didn’t even think about looking for you, but something made me come here. Now I know that it was destiny that brought us together and I don’t want to escape from it anymore.

–My beloved Mariana –he said, pressing our bodies closer together– I don't know about you, but I feel like I will love you all my life.

His loving words made me uncomfortable and since I didn't know what to say, I kissed him back and immediately desire enveloped us again and we were united in body for the rest of the night.

We spent the whole weekend making love to each other wildly. We were never dressed and the bed and his little couch were the only things we used during that time. Before Sunday was over, I asked him to deflower my anus as well. It took a lot of convincing, but I wanted him to be the first in everything. We only did it once because he almost destroyed it. He pushed until he made it bleed, and he pounded it for about two minutes, but the burning was worse than the vaginal pain and I lost consciousness when he fully entered that tiny hole. Fortunately the damage was not as bad as I thought it would be and it went away in a short time. In the early morning he took me twice in different positions and the one I loved because of the waves of pleasure he made me feel was doggy style (it was also the one we lasted the longest in).

Tired but very happy, I rested the rest of the night.

On Monday morning at ten I knew I had to return to my boring life, where I had to pretend that nothing had happened in this small janitor's room.

After taking a shower, I slowly got dressed. Filomeno had started work at seven in the morning and when I finished getting ready, he came in with a delicious breakfast.

We ate in silence, but I knew from the look in his eyes that he wanted to tell me something.

–What's wrong? –I asked.

–It's just that... when I was cleaning the bathrooms, I found a condom lying on the floor and then I remembered that I made love to you several times and on no occasion did I put one on –he smiled wistfully– Well, it's not like I had one anyway, but that's not the important thing, what's important is the fact that I always finished inside you and you barely got any semen out, so I guess you kept it in your uterus.

–And that worries you?

–No… well, I won’t mind if you tell me that you take contraceptives.

–I have never taken that type of medication.

–But I suppose you're not in your fertile days, right? –his voice trembled and that bothered me.

–I am in my best days of fertility, but don’t worry, if I get pregnant, I won’t ask you for anything.

Furious, I stood up and headed for the door, but before I could open it, Filomeno hugged me from behind.

–It's not what you think... I would be very happy if you carried my child in your womb, but my sweet love, you are barely eighteen years old and I am a fifty-two-year-old man with a miserable job, that's why I wouldn't like to ruin your life with an unwanted pregnancy because you would have to leave university and it wouldn't be fair to you.

–It wouldn't be an unwanted pregnancy – I told him, turning to look at him head on – from the first time we were together, I knew that getting pregnant was a possibility and although I don't deny that I was scared for a moment, then I thought better of it and accepted that it wouldn't bother me to carry a mini Filomeno in my belly even though I was eighteen years old – I smiled at him and he smiled back – that's why I didn't ask you to get the morning after pill and allowed you to finish inside me on all the occasions we made love.

–You mean you're not afraid of getting pregnant with me? –I nodded– Do you want to have my child?

–Yes –I gave him a fleeting kiss– you are a good man and you have always wanted to be a father and if it is in my hands to help you fulfill your wish, there is no problem for me –I gave him a punch on the nose– but my kind sir, do not feel so powerful, perhaps due to the disuse of your penis, you were unable to impregnate me on this occasion, so do not worry.

–Maybe you're right –he smiled, his crooked teeth becoming more visible. –Besides, I'm so old that I doubt I'll ever be able to get you pregnant.

–You are not too old and besides, with some treatment you might be able to get me pregnant – I smiled back.

–Then I'll save up so I can fulfill my wish. How about we wait until you're twenty-five to go to the hospital?

–I wouldn't like us to wait too long, but if you prefer it to be in that time, then I agree.

I kissed him slowly because I wanted to enjoy his company a little longer, but the sound of the bell announcing the start of classes forced me to leave.

From that moment on, I visited his little house during my free time and after school I stayed with him until nightfall. When I couldn't find him, I would prepare his food. I wasn't a very good cook, but he never complained about my cooking. I devoted my weekends to him entirely. My mother knew that I had found my ideal partner and she knew that we were already having a relationship, but she never interfered in my life and didn't have an opinion on the matter, so she let me go without asking questions.

In the blink of an eye, we would have been dating for three months.

That morning, I had woken up in my bed. I had decided to sleep at home because I still didn't have the anniversary gift that I had suggested to commemorate our first time together and I had planned to go shopping with my mother.

I wore a white thigh-length shift dress and paired it with pearl-colored flats. I left my hair down because I know Filomeno loves to tangle his fingers in it.

Seeing the time, I hurried, for I had only half a day to find something nice for him. I ran downstairs. My mother was preparing some eggs when I entered the kitchen, but the smell was so pungent that it made me nauseous, and I hurriedly went to the bathroom. I vomited up all my dinner, but emptying my stomach did not make the nausea go away. Feeling slightly dizzy, I returned to the kitchen and sat down on the chair.

I felt my mother's gaze and raised my face to look at her.

–Is there something on my face? –I wanted to make a joke, but the seriousness with which my mother looked at me made me reconsider. –Is something wrong?

–Have you been taking care of yourself when you have sex with your boyfriend?

–I don’t have sex with my boyfriend… I make love with him and no, we don’t use protection of any kind.

–And you say that with such impudence? Mariana, you are eighteen years old, don't you know that if you get pregnant at this age, you will lose all your opportunities to have a career?

–I wouldn’t lose anything, Mom. Some girls from the university have gone to take classes with their huge bellies and when their baby is born, they wait a few months and then come back.

–Can you hear yourself? It even sounds like you want to get pregnant.

–Look, Mom. I was hoping to tell you the whole truth when I was dating Filomeno for at least a year, but if my suspicions are correct, I don’t see the need to hide anything from you… the man I’m dating is the university janitor and he’s fifty-two years old.

For a moment I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Her face was as white as paper and her eyes were almost popping out of their sockets.

–You're dating an old man? –she shouted.

–I'm dating an older man. He may not be the most handsome man in the world, and he barely survives on his salary, but he's sweet, loving, kind and respectful – I smiled as I remembered Filomeno – being with him makes time fly and I feel very lonely when we're apart. I know I've disappointed you by getting pregnant so young, but understand me, Filomeno is already very old, and I wouldn't want him to miss the opportunity to know what it's like to be a father.

–But Mariana, you are not thinking about your future. That man may be a paragon of virtue, but he is very old and also poor, what good would it do you to give him a son?

–I'm not doing this out of convenience –I replied, humiliated by his insinuation. –I'm very fond of Filomeno and I know he's always dreamed of being a father. I can help him fulfill that dream and I don't mind, really.

–So, you just have affection for him?... You don't love him?

–Filomeno is like a sugar cube, however, I don't think I could fall in love with him, I don't want to suffer disappointments like the ones you suffered, so I prefer to be with someone who loves me, even if I can't return that feeling.

–But if you don't love him, why do you want to give him a child? Let him find another woman who will fill him with all the children he wants.

–I don't want any other chick to hurt him –I shouted furiously. –Filomeno has already suffered mockery and betrayal from heartless women. Maybe it's not because of love that I'm by his side, but I love him very much and that's what matters.

–It's not affection you feel for him!... that dirty old man is manipulating you and I refuse to allow you to see him again.

–You can't stop me from doing anything –I shouted even louder. –I'm of legal age and I have the right to decide who I hang out with and whose children I have.

–If you are so old, then why do you still live in my house and not in your old man's?

Her words hurt me because she practically just kicked me out. I never thought things would end this way, but if that's what she wants.

–Very well –I said with a lump in my throat –if it is so unforgivable that my partner is a man over fifty years old and that I am perhaps carrying his child in my womb and those two things are so aberrant to you, then I will not bother you anymore.

My mother didn't say anything. She just hung her head and remained still even as I walked out the door with my suitcase in my hands.