Chapter 3

The wind was blowing very hard and the light clothes I was wearing were freezing me. For a moment I wanted to go back to my mother and beg her forgiveness. I even thought about leaving Filomeno. I had to accept that defending a relationship with an old man who is almost three times my age was the stupidest thing I had ever done. However, there was the problem of the possible pregnancy, so before I decided anything, I had to confirm that I was really expecting a child.

Nervous, I bought three pregnancy tests (I know they don't fail, but it was better not to leave anything to chance).

Since I started dating Filomeno, the few friends I had have distanced themselves. They probably imagine I'm sleeping with the janitor and don't want to have a random girl in their social circle.

Since I had no one to turn to, I had to go into a public bathroom to get tested. I followed the instructions and waited for the indicated time, but when I had to see the results, I waited too long because a terrible fear settled in my chest. Minutes passed and I didn't dare to look, but the knock on the door from the bathroom attendant for me to hurry up forced me to do so and what I saw almost made me faint, and that was that all three confirmed the pregnancy.

It was official… I was pregnant with Filomeno, but even though I always knew he got me pregnant the first time we met, seeing it as a reality was scary because even though he said he wanted kids, the day he asked me if I was taking care of him, he seemed scared of the possibility that I wasn’t and when I told him no, his face showed even more fear. Maybe he didn’t want kids anymore (or at least not mine). The time he told me he longed for them, I should have understood that he was talking about having them with his ex-wife. It was logical to think that he would always love her. I was just the girl who helped him vent every day and the loving words he tells me every time he is making love to me are to allow him to do with my body whatever he wants. That idea sent a strange pain to my chest, but I didn’t have time to think about this discomfort.

A new knock from the manager brought me back to my senses a bit and slamming the door, I left that place.

Even if I didn't want to, I had to go with Filomeno. He might not be happy about the news of the baby, but I needed a place to stay while I figured out what I was going to do with my life.

When I got to the university, I sent him a message asking him to come and open the door for me. When I saw him approaching, I was overcome with nerves. It wasn't going to be easy to tell him about the baby and the mere thought of him rejecting me was starting to scare me.

–My love! –He said with a big smile –come in, my love. I've been missing you since yesterday. You don't know how horrible it was to wake up and see that you weren't curled up on my chest like always.

I couldn't move. Suddenly all my courage had vanished, and I couldn't even look him in the face.

–And that suitcase? –I heard him ask. –Don't tell me your mother allowed you to stay with me for a few days. –My tongue was still tied, and I didn't answer. –Is something wrong, Mariana?

Receiving no response, he approached me and held me with one arm and with the other he took the suitcase.

–Let's go home –was all he said.

We headed to the little house. Once inside he led me to sit on the bed. My body was shaking more now and Filomeno hugged me.

-What's wrong, my love?... This uncertainty is killing me.

His voice sounded very worried and as always, knowing he was in trouble made my mind leave my own thoughts aside to comfort him. I raised my face and tried to smile at him. My arms clung to his back and with my face just a few inches from his, I kissed him. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was loving enough to bring him peace.

–Make love to me! –I said without understanding why he was asking me that.

–What?

–I want you to make love to me... please –I begged, still not understanding the reason for my need.

Without waiting for an answer, I quickly undressed and then knelt between his legs and just as quickly stripped him of his clothes. When I had him completely naked, I forced him to lie on his back and spread his legs to have better access to his penis. The taste hadn't improved, but it excited me more than any aphrodisiac and, driven by lust, I began to suck him urgently. Filomeno began to moan loudly, and his exclamations of pleasure drove me even crazier. I wanted to hear him moan and scream, so I directed my mouth to his testicles and sucked them while continuing to caress his already very thick penis with my hands. The sucking noises were like those of an animal, but I was so excited that I couldn't control my sexual instincts. Filomeno's big hands were on my head and pressed it to press my face into his balls (which were filled with my drool). I wanted to taste his semen, but there was something I wanted much more and to get it I had to stop sucking and standing up, I climbed on top of his body and holding his penis so that it pointed upwards, I guided it into my vagina. I knew that inserting it slowly was useless because, although we have made love several hours a day for three months, my vagina was still too narrow to support the thickness of his penis. To be honest, I understood that his ex-wife did not want to go through the pain of having that monstrous piece of meat inside her body. Its dimensions were out of the ordinary and only a wide vagina could contain it without hurting herself, but a small one like mine suffered serious injuries if she was not careful at the time of penetration, but thanks to the affection or whatever I feel for Filomeno, penetration is not the fundamental part when it comes to getting me excited to have an orgasm. With that knowledge, I thrust his fat penis into me in one stroke, as I was so lubricated by the excitement of the blowjob, I gave him earlier that it slid all the way into my vagina, although not easily, even so, the pang of pain was enormous, but I have never shown him that it still hurts when he penetrates me. I always smile at him with love, and this was no exception. Filomeno was aware of my gestures (I suppose he is looking for some sign of pain), but when he sees my smile, he calms down and enjoys our encounter.

The movement of his hips is wild and hurts like a thousand knives, but I never abandon my smile, and the pain fades into the background if I only concentrate on the friction of his veins on my vaginal walls, and the advantage of his penis filling me beyond the unimaginable is that it allows me to feel every texture of his member. My hands also perceive the skin of his body and I love to feel the hairs of his chest in my palms and the caresses of his calloused hands as they slide over my hips, buttocks and belly to mark the rhythm of the thrusts, create delicious discharges of pleasure that make me wet my vagina abundantly and that helps the pain to fade until it disappears completely.

I was riding him for at least fifteen minutes, but Filomeno wanted a more active participation and to win the battle of wills, he used a trick that never fails him and that is that he knows that feeling his big hands kneading my breasts is a sensitive point that leads me to a sure orgasm and if we add to that his mouth swallowing them, you could say that I was lost, but it was the light bites on my nipples that caused a devastating orgasm that almost made me lose consciousness. My body convulsed with ferocity and my juices came out with force even though it was impossible for me to separate our sexes because of Filomeno's fat penis, that is why his legs and mine ended up as wet as if we had gone swimming, but if I thought it was already over, the hot jet of semen hitting my uterus made me cum not once, but three times more with the same intensity as the first orgasm. By this time my body seemed like jelly. I felt Filomeno hug me and I responded by hugging him tightly. His body was sweaty, and his old scent filled my nostrils. His heat and that smell fanned the flames of desire, and a new orgasm was formed because of this and with a scream and some scratches on his back, I released the orgasm that was so intense that I passed out.

A caress on my face woke me up and I found myself comfortably settled in bed, with a worried Filomeno lying beside me. I smiled at him to erase that expression, but he didn't return the gesture.

–You finally woke up –he must have noticed my confusion because he continued –you've been unconscious for three hours. After you passed out, you were still moving and expelled quite a bit of nectar from your vagina.

–How do you know it was my nectar? –I asked, embarrassed.

–Because it was clear and had your sweet taste –he smiled tenderly– you know that I know your taste very well, so I speak to you from experience.

I smiled at the memory of the time he performed oral sex on me. I was nervous and embarrassed because I didn't trust my scent, but his tongue playing with my clitoris and going deep inside my vagina made me lose my mind and I even forgot my name. It must be said that that day I discovered female ejaculation, and something tells me that what I got out a while ago was that liquid, but in greater quantity.

–You scared me. It's the first time you fainted, and I almost ran out naked to look for help, but your hand held my arm and you didn't let go for at least an hour. When I saw that you were breathing normally, I calmed down – he finished, placing his hand on my belly and his caress made me remember that I carry his son in that place – did I say something wrong?

–What? –I asked, somewhat scared.

–What's wrong, Mariana? You've been very strange since you arrived. I know you're hiding something and before you try to distract me with sex, I beg you to tell me what's happening to you.

–Do you think I seduced you so you wouldn't keep asking? –I snapped at angrily and pushed his hand away to sit down–Do you think I'm that kind of woman who has relationships to manipulate men?... Have I ever asked you for something after we have sex, as you call it?

–I didn’t mean sex, forgive me. I didn’t mean to imply that you were that kind of woman either. It’s just that I know there’s something wrong and it hurts me that you don’t trust me to tell me what it is – he placed himself in a corner of the bed and covered himself with the sheet – I recognize that I am an old man who should be okay with the fact that a beautiful woman like you considers me as her intimate partner, but I would also like to be a part of your life outside of the sexual realm – he looked at me with pain – Mariana, I don’t just want to make love to your body… I want to be someone who helps you in the most difficult moments of your life and although I am not a rich man, nor educated, you can be sure that I will do whatever it takes for you.

His sincerity and plea touched me. I was a fool not to share something that concerns not only me, but him as well. After all, he is the one who helped me conceive him.

–You’re right… there is something I haven’t told you even though I’ve known about it for three months – I said without looking at him.

–Three months? –He came closer, and the sheet fell from his chest –don’t tell me you regretted having given yourself to me… God! I knew you would realize how old and hideous I am and that it would be a nightmare to know that you gave me what belonged to someone else.

He stood up and started to get dressed. The misinterpretation of my words was hurting him, so I stood up and made him undress again and then I kissed him. He resisted for a few seconds, but then he kissed me back and hugged me as I hugged him. Our kiss was anxious. It was as if we wanted to erase the bad things and return to the moment when only good things existed. If we continued kissing like this, we would end up making love, but once the desire was satisfied, the distrust would return and that was the last thing I wanted, so I had to break the kiss and taking his hand I made him lie down on the bed and I placed myself on one side. For a few minutes we were silent, but gathering my courage, I held his hand and placed it on my belly.

-I am pregnant.

The silence that followed was almost eternal and I was afraid to think what his lack of words could mean.

–I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, and I also know that you wanted us to wait until I was twenty-five for this, but from the first time I gave myself to you, I knew that you had gotten me pregnant. I was aware that I was on my fertile days and that I wasn’t taking anything to prevent conception, but I can’t believe that you thought you would never get me pregnant if our subsequent encounters haven’t been any different. You don’t wear a condom, I don’t take pills and you always finish inside me.

–I'm too old and I thought my sperm was unhealthy.

–Well, you see, they are very healthy, unless you think he is not your son –I said, letting go of his hand and turning my back to him.

He turned quickly and put his arms around my stomach.

–I know he’s mine. Not only because I feel it in my heart, but because I fully felt the moment, I broke your hymen… You were a virgin when I took you and since that day you’ve only been with me. You give me your free time and weekends, I’d be an idiot to believe that this little one isn’t my son –he said, giving my belly a tender caress –Love, I’m so happy for this beautiful gift… are you happy too? –he asked nervously.

His warm breath in my ear sparked my lust, but his words moved me, and I was able to respond as I turned to face him.

–I told you that I was able to stop the pregnancy the next day, but I didn't want to do it, and it wasn't because I thought you couldn't get me pregnant, but because I wished you had.

–Why did you want it? –His voice trembled with emotion, and I responded with a smile.

–I already told you why, but I'll tell you again... You are a good person, and I wanted to fulfill your wish of being a father.

Filomeno vibrated with happiness and kissed me passionately and I knew I did the right thing by coming up with that answer.

That night we celebrated the joy of knowing that we would be parents in the best way we knew how (that is, making love). This time our kisses and caresses were tender and sweet. We gave ourselves to each other slowly and without rushing. We said a lot of loving words to each other and knowing that Filomeno was happy about my pregnancy took away all the fear I felt. Now I had the confidence that we would get through this together for the sake of our son and for ourselves.

I woke up at eleven o'clock on Sunday morning. This was a day when Filomeno and I always went for a walk in the university park and then had a picnic, so we got up early, but yesterday I was more lustful than usual and he had plenty of energy, and we spent the night and early morning loving each other without stopping. I smiled as I remembered that no matter what position we made love in, Filomeno kept caressing my belly and telling our baby not to be scared if he saw a fat, ugly piece of flesh near him. On our last round, we hugged each other and fell asleep like that, but now I couldn't feel the warmth of Filomeno's body, and I opened my eyes to look for him, but there was no sign of him in the little house.

Would it be possible for him to run away from responsibility?... Were his words last night a lie and his demonstration of love a vile deception to distract me and then escape?

I wanted to get up quickly, but terrible dizziness followed by nausea forced me to stay sitting up in bed and at that moment the door opened and Filomeno came in carrying some shopping bags. As soon as he saw me, he left the bags on the table and ran to my side.

–Are you feeling sick, my love?

–I'm dizzy and nauseous –I would have preferred not to worry him, but I would most likely end up vomiting and it was better to be safe than sorry.

–I don’t know anything about pregnancies, but I’ve seen on TV that this is normal for pregnant women.

–And have they shown how they are controlled?

–With medications, but I don't know what they are.

A new wave of nausea came over me and I staggered with dizziness. Filomeno immediately hugged me and helped me to lie down on the bed. The poor man seemed nervous, but the discomfort was so great that I didn't have the energy to comfort him.

After a while of not seeing any improvement, he lay down next to me and with one of his hands he began to massage my belly. The relief I felt was immediate. I was surprised that a simple caress from him had managed to stop the dizziness and reduce the nausea.

–I feel better now –I said with a genuine smile.

–Are you sure?

–Yes, don’t worry.

–That being the case, I'm going to prepare breakfast –he said, standing up and starting to take out the ingredients. –We didn't eat anything yesterday and I wouldn't want that bad experience to affect my two loves.

I was going to respond with some joke, but the bitter taste of nausea returned.

–Fil… –was all I could say because I was almost sick to my stomach.

Filomeno looked at me and came back to hug me and again gave comforting caresses to my body. When he reached my belly, the nausea magically became less.

–I think our baby likes his daddy to caress him, even if it's just the place outside of where he's developing.

Filomeno laughed and bent down until his face was pressed against my belly.

–My little one, I have to feed mom so you can nourish yourself from her, but if you continue to make her suffer from nausea, I cannot attend to that need, will you be a good boy and allow me to prepare something delicious for you?... I promise that afterwards I will stay with you all day.

Hearing his childish tone made me laugh, but at the same time I was happy to see that he didn't mind sounding ridiculous talking to a three-month-old fetus. I was also amazed that that little thing inside me seemed to sense his presence and even understand what he was saying, because after that talk, Filomeno went back to preparing the food and the nausea disappeared.

A few hours later, I was enjoying a delicious treat – and my old lover was a professional chef.

After eating, he took off his clothes and got into bed with me and began to tell stories about his childhood. I loved it when he told me about stages of his life that I didn't know about because it was like peeling back layers of his soul to allow me to be closer to him, but even though I loved his stories, the drowsiness of pregnancy made me sleep for longer. At night I got up to go to the bathroom and cleaned myself. My intention was to please him as I have done for three months, but Filomeno seemed aware of the need that a pregnant woman has to take advantage of her hours of sleep and only allowed me to caress and kiss him before I sank back into the cloud of dreams.